Eurobloat #0107 • March 2019
In March the European Parliament decided that the problem with the internet was that ordinary people could still upload things to it. Having fixed that, it turned its attention to plastic straws, the position of the clocks, and the precise moral category of China.
Folly of the Month: The internet must now check your homework before you post
On 26 March the Parliament passed the Copyright Directive, including the notorious Article 13, by 348 votes to 274. The practical effect is that nearly every for-profit platform must license everything its users upload or install filters to police it in advance, on pain of liability. Five million people signed a petition against it and tens of thousands marched in the streets, which Brussels treated as proof that the public had been confused rather than that it had understood perfectly well. The amendment even to debate striking out the worst clauses failed by five votes, so the legislators voted on a text they were not allowed to amend, which is roughly the European Union in miniature.
→ eff.org
1. Another billion-and-a-half off Google, for the children of competition
On 20 March the Commission fined Google 1.49 billion euros for restrictive clauses in its AdSense contracts. The money goes not to the wronged publishers but into the general budget, which is a curious sort of justice. The fine was later annulled by the General Court for ignoring relevant circumstances, so the headline was real and the case was not.
2. The clocks must stop, by order, eventually, possibly
On 26 March MEPs voted 410 to 192 to abolish the seasonal clock change by 2021, on the strength of a consultation answered overwhelmingly by Germans. Seven years on, the clocks still go back, because twenty-seven governments could not agree which time to keep. Brussels can legislate the seasons; coordinating them is apparently beyond it.
3. Britain asks to leave, and is granted detention until April
On 21 and 22 March the European Council met to discuss the extension of Article 50 and graciously offered the United Kingdom a delay until 12 April, or 22 May if it behaved itself in the Commons. The summit also reminded everyone that the Withdrawal Agreement could on no account be reopened, lest a negotiation break out. A continent that prides itself on dialogue had decided the talking was over.
4. The straw, the cotton bud and the tethered bottle cap
On 27 March the Parliament approved the Single-Use Plastics Directive by 560 votes to 35, banning plastic cutlery, straws, plates and cotton-bud sticks. The same law tethers the cap to the bottle, so that the great minds of Europe have personally legislated where your bottle top may dangle. Saving the planet, one annoying lid at a time.
→ time.com
5. The digital tax that could not survive contact with members
On 12 March the Ecofin ministers failed, again, to agree a digital tax, even a shrunken one limited to advertising. A scheme to grab revenue from American technology firms collapsed because the member states with technology firms of their own declined to volunteer. The cherished dream of an EU-level tax died quietly in committee, which is the only good news in this list.
6. A standing army of ten thousand, to guard borders the member states already had
On 28 March Parliament and Council negotiators struck a deal to give Frontex its own standing corps of ten thousand border guards by 2027, the first uniformed force the European Union may call its own. The agency that was meant to assist national border guards now acquires the power to do their job, complete with its own staff and its own kit. A union with no borders of its own decides it needs a border force of its own.
7. China is now a systemic rival, the EU announces, having noticed
On 12 March the Commission published its EU-China Strategic Outlook, which for the first time called Beijing a systemic rival promoting alternative models of governance. The discovery came only after years of business frustration at promises China never kept. A union that took a decade to spot the problem now lectures everyone else on strategic clarity.
8. A permanent agency for cybersecurity, and a fresh certification empire
On 12 March the Parliament adopted the Cybersecurity Act by 586 votes to 44, handing ENISA a permanent mandate and building a new EU-wide certification framework. A temporary body becomes permanent, a new layer of labels is born, and Brussels acquires another agency to oversee the agencies. The burden grows; nobody is ever held to account for the last one.
→ digital-strategy.ec.europa.eu
9. Whistleblowers protected, provided they blow on breaches of Union law
On 11 March negotiators struck a provisional deal on EU-wide whistleblower protection, covering anyone reporting breaches of Union law across procurement, finance and data protection. The protection is generous, so long as the wrongdoing you expose is the right kind, namely a failure to obey Brussels. Report a breach of national law and you are on your own.
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